What does it mean to know and experience our own "nothingness"? It is
not enough to turn away in disgust from my illusions and faults and
mistakes, to separate myself from them as if they were not, and as if
I were someone other than myself. This kind of :self-annihilation"
is only a worse illusion, it is a pretended humility which, by saying
"I am nothing" I mean in effect " I wish I were not what I am.
To really know our "nothingness" we must also love it. And we cannot
love it unless we see that it is good. And we cannot see that it is
good unless we accept it.
A supernatural experience of our contingency is a humility which loves
and prizes above all else our state of helplessness before God. We
must see and admit that it is all ours and that it is all good: good
in its positive entity since it comes from God.
The proud man/woman loves his/her own illusion and sel-sufficiency.
The spiritually poor loves his/her very insufficiency. The proud
claims honor for having what no one else has. The humble begs for a
share in what everybody else has received. He/She too desires to be
filled to overflowing with the kindness and mercy of God.
(Thomas Merton)
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